Support System

     Heading to Georgia become an underlying list of things that require preparation. Quite frankly a real pain for someone in my condition. I'm exhausted before I leave but looking forward to adult time.  Before I became physically depleted I was a workaholic.  I worked all the time and really had no idea what it was like or what it took to be a mother who stayed at home to run things. I worked 10 to 10 most days and caught up on weekends when needed. When I remarried I made a promise to keep it at 5 days a week.  In the end to meet the new demands of my current situation it was more like working 7 day,nights, and weekends too. Barely eating, hardly sleeping and no rest trying to fit in everyone's needs at home and their issues to.
     Right now my bone marrow was clean but I still had a lot of dirt to clean up. You know the junk drawer in the kitchen or the back closest in the guest room wait or better yet the garage and barn! Oh yes you can store a lot crap in the barn and garage.  Well on my quest in doing this I had somethings going for me. Significant other people that other people like me may not have or had.

1. Husband who loves me (Michael)
2. A brother who cares for me (Twig)
3. Sisters who adopted me over 20 / 30 years ago (Sue & Paula)
4. My children grandchildren and family support 
5. My friends and church family and their support
6. Nyla my cat and my other animals

Sue and I heading north for 7 hours we can talk. The goal was to get a house. Michael was working long hours and didn't have time during the week to see anything left the pressure point high because I didn't understand clearly what his new job entailed and what it took to do what he does.
     By the time we got there Sue and I pretty much covered everything from doctors,kids,work, money and our spouses. The only one who new more then Sue about my pain and suffering was Nyla.
Most children can't sleep without their blanket or stuffed animal, well I had trouble without Nyla. She stays by my side no matter what room I'm in and sleeps at the top of my head on her pillow.    
     This is where all the support comes in. Twig and Aunt Barb are with the kids, and animals taking care of them.  Sue is taking care of me right now getting me to Georgia and my oldest Michelle and Bob with the grand kids have Michael. Nothing could work without each one and their part and I tell you I can't sit here and type this without tears.  I never felt more love in my life and yet how could I deserve it.  A child a mother didn't want . Deep down you always seem to want what you don't have.
I had a drive to want to get better but it's the will of wanting to get better and knowing the difference.
     I cried a lot out of fear of the unknown. I always planned and knew what the next step was and here I'm having to relive a past step by step without a plan and no step by step manual.  How can I leave Twig,Sue and my aunt and uncle and make it. Leave Florida and everything I know. Oh my rely totally on my husband.  Why God, why is this happening to me? Forced to chose these things now.
     I knew this answer and well when God's ready to take you out of the playing field and you don't listen guess what he doesn't need your permission!
    God and I well,  we had a talk.  When you have a clear direction and stop fixing things that don't need to be fixed at that time, it matters. My direction was Spring break is my dead line and get a house this weekend.
     I lived by my faith and yep, We got a house on contract. With as much family glue as I had keeping me together why did I even complain.